


Shovel Talk

by ButTheMarauders



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Marauders, Romance, The Marauders - Freeform, shoveltalk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-26
Updated: 2015-09-26
Packaged: 2018-04-23 11:42:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 851
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4875547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ButTheMarauders/pseuds/ButTheMarauders
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lily Evans agrees to one date, and is unprepared for the shovel talk that comes with it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Shovel Talk

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time writing on AO3. Hope it doesn't suck. Let me know what you think! Criticsm is welcome. Nobody is perfect.

Lily sighed and shifted slightly, pausing for a moment to think. If she said yes, James would win. On the other hand, she knew she loved him. They were soulmates. It was written in...well, their patronuses. "One date." Lily said finally, silently hoping that he couldn't hear the excitement in her voice, or the relief from saying yes at last. James gave a big grin that spread from ear to ear and flashed glistening white teeth that Lily secretly envied. A weight lifted off of her heart. Through her phase of joy, she didn't expect the shovel talk.

                             ******

The first shovel talk she got was from Sirius. She'd been chatting with Marlene in the common room, when the familiar, obnoxiously loud voice rang out. "Oi! Evans!" Marlene laughed through her fingers, and Lily glared at her. She pun around on the sofa, and saw Sirius quickly walking towards her, a famous Marauder smirk plastered onto his face franed by the shaggy, long, black hair. "You can't be serious...what now?" "Well I am very much Sirius." He said jokingly, tossing a wink at a flushed Marlene. Lily rolled her eyes. "Oh. And we need to have a talk." Sirius added, as though he's pushed his necessities to the back if his evidently minuscule mind. "Yes?" Lily groaned, hugging a pillow to her chest. "You and James finally got together. Thank Merlin. He would never stop going on about you." "Yeah it figured. Besides, it was just one da-" "Yeah, sure. That's why you totally were all over him last night." "Eugh!! Did you come her just to gloat that you were right?" "Partially. Also, I have a...three step programme. You hurt him once, you get pranked. Hard. You hurt him twice, you get pranked. Harder. You hurt him...erm..." "Thrice." Marlene suggested. "Yeah, you hurt him thrice and I'll personally kill you. Not because I card, because I am not listening to him moan anymore." "...it was one date..." Lily said, frowning. Sirius snorted loudly before bounding off to James, who seemed to be tutoring a first year in Quidditch. Oh God, Lily thought, this is my life now.

Lily didn't think Peter could be particularly threatening until his shovel talk. The plump, rat-faced boy approached her in their potions lesson. Deadly silent, he pulled a potions book from the restricted section out. "How did you-" "Remus." "Oh..." Lily didn't see how that provided a sufficient explanation, but she went with it. Peter, still looking at Lily, was flicking through the old parchment. His thumb blocked the pages from continuing to turn. Peter grinned, but to Lily it seemed more like a grimance with a fake-frightening mask. Glancing at the book, her eyes widened. A very...visual...sketch depicted a body turned inside-out. "I mastered this potion." Lily knew where this was going. "You hurt him. Well... YOUR heart will be exposed. Literally." Lily gulped, and satisfied, Peter leant back in his chair. The rat was wicked deep down.

Remus gave her his shovel talk whilst they did rounds. Before he could start, Lily provided words for him. "Let me guess...If I do anything to James....you'll huff and you'll puff and you'll blow the girls dormitory door down. And then you'll eat me alive."  "I thought you would expect the shovel talk by now, but that isn't quite what I was going to say. I'm not quite so....violent as Padfoot and Wormtail." Remus was clearly shocked and a bit hurt by the reference to his 'furry little problem.' "Right...well. Best get it over with. Hit me with it." Lily said, innardly groaning as she checked a classroom. Remus could probably see this, as he gave her that look that wasn't a smile, but you could see his laughter through his eyes. She was disappointed it wouldn't be as simple as a death threat. She knew her Perfect friend had a way of forging words like silver, despite his sensitivity. "Lily. It is to my knowledge that James has particularly crazy about you. More psychopathic, than anything. At night sometimes he would pace the room, ranting that you hate him. This, of course, is now known to be a lie. I'm not going to threaten you. But what I am going to say will make you feel very guilty if you break him. The day James and Sirius pranked you by dousing you with amortenia, because it would make everyone follow you around all day, as you smelt perfect to them all, James though the prank hadn't worked. You, to him, smelt the exact same. Now, tell me, when was that?" "First year..." Lily mumbled. The corned of his mouth quirked slightly. "I think I'm done here." Lily didn't say anything. All she could think was that when you date a Marauder, you're taking on a huge package. The three other boys certainly would never want to stay hidden and wrapped in paper, the forgotten toys. Maybe that's why they started to acknowledge her as one of them.  Lily knew there was no turning back now.


End file.
